G

I still catch myself thinking about you sometimes. The things we imagined and never got the chance to do. The things you promised me. The things you said you were going to do to me and the things I thought of doing to you.
I catch myself remembering we chated for hours and into the night without never seeing each other faces in the flesh. And this feeling we had something so awesome only gets stronger and more intense because even though I've talked (read this word in its real meaning, nothing more) with others after you it was never so spontaneous and funny and so so easy like it was with you. And to remember this it makes these other chats seem only tough and boring. I have to put so much effort into them. And I would love for them to work, these other experiences, but there is always something missing. And I miss it. I miss you and your silly and easy laugh. I miss knowing what you're doing.
Sometimes I just want to ask you how you are. I wish I could do that without sounding desperate or needy. I want to know if you're sick or if your flu finally went away. But I've been trying to keep in mind this is not my (or our) reality anymore. Maybe it never were.
Whatever it was it's just fading. It was just all these expectations soaring over my head. When I squished your "no" out of you it all started to fade. In such a difficult and frustrating way. I keep trying to reach these memories before they are too gone. I wanted you to know all this and I just know you won't because I'm not the one who will send you these words.
Above all I'm grateful for I have known you and have gotten to live that with you (or with myself). I know you are a really really wonderful person. That coming from someone who knew only maybe 20% of your true self. I just want you to be the happiest you can. I'm pretty sure the person you choose to be by your side, to laugh, talk, live and love, will be a really lucky one.